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Worldbuilders 2014

You know, I never expected to see my name alongside the likes of Amber Benson, aside from that pesky 2011 restraining order. (I don’t know why you won’t love me, Amber. I still have your locks of hair.) But behold:

2014-12-04 23_46_03-An Abundance of Signed Books

The Rothfussian Blog

I don’t know if I made an impression, or they simply feature every single donation they get. It’s with all probability the latter, though my desperate ego chooses to firmly believe the former. Either way, it was the weirdest, most awesome thing to see little Eternal up there, scrolling alongside excellence in Patrick Rothfuss’s blog.

Which leads me to Worldbuilders! You must support Worldbuilders, you see. I would give you the longwinded spiel, but I don’t have to, because I already made a video for it, hooray!

For context, it was written for unilateralUlulations, my Youtube gaming channel. Embedding, commence:

The fundraiser runs until the 15th of December. Even if you don’t give a crap about charity, there is so much good stuff you can get. Go for it, I say!

Dancing with bears,

– Israel.

Foolish Endeavors

The blog hasn’t even officially started and I’m already neglecting it. I don’t think you could find a better indication that I’m on my way to professional writerdom.

No real news writing-wise. Still working on more novels and I’ve been drawing a map of Eternal that I’ll absolutely post when it’s finished. My desire to make this into the thing that I do for a living has only increased, never fear!

I was hopeful for the agents that expressed interest and requested partials at the PNWA conference (the previously mentioned “good news”), but it’s now far past their stated response time. I can’t even claim they might not have received it, because they sent out an automated “we have received your submission” response. I’ll be bugging them again anyway, just in case.

Or I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t even bother. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they found the premise enticing enough. But this entire process feels archaic nowadays, and an enormous time expenditure with zero guaranteed results. Call me an impatient piece of garbage, but the alluring call of self-publishing has become much harder to ignore as time has dragged on.

Since I’m in for the long haul with this career, I don’t need to be a big breakout hit on my first book or anything like that. If the novel is good enough (and I put in all the work necessary to get it out there, of course!) it should be at least a moderate success. Subsequent books will increase sales until, hopefully, a living wage will be accrued. A writer’s name isn’t made in a day! I’m more than willing to be patient in that respect. What grates is the wait to actually get started.

When in doubt, post a picture of your cat

When in doubt, post a picture of your cat.

If the book fails—which it wouldn’t, because it’s motherfucking awesome—but if it fails, well, it’ll be a much, much smaller blow than it failing through an agent and a publisher. And though time would still be a factor, it’d be in no danger of going out of print because of lackluster sales. It seems like there’s very few downsides to the self-publishing adventure when compared to the twenty thousand pitfalls of traditional publishing.

Sure, there’s the self-publishing stigma. Nobody will take you seriously at first, everyone will assume you’re just another scrub that didn’t make it the “real” way, which is kind of true. But that whole thing is going away as I write these words and you read them. It’s gained even more legitimacy with all those success stories where people self-publish and then get offered a fat book deal—something I dream to one day reject from my smug self-made throne. Toss the deal back at their faces and say, “I don’t need you, FOOLS!” and then laugh maniacally. Yeah. That’d be cool.

So yeah, I’ve pretty much decided to go for it. But hey, feel free to stop me, dear agents reading this! There’s still time! Okay then, if you don’t, I’ll be getting it through a freelance copy-editor and go to any lengths necessary for it to be as polished and professional as possible. Do my best to market it and get it out there, make a shitload of mistakes in the process, and time will tell whether it was the wise decision.

And if this novel doesn’t catch on, maybe the next hundred will.

On to other, completely unrelated news!

Every bit as delicious as they look.

Every bit as delicious as they look.

If all goes well, my lovely wife and I will be starting our own business shortly, and it’s going to be a donut shop. She loves baking. I love eating. It’s perfect.

We’re hammering out the last details on the lease, getting some estimates on how much it’ll cost to improve the building, and then it’ll be all hectic craziness from there. It’s been years of planning. About frikkin’ time!

We’re forgoing a loan and throwing the life’s savings into this, so if we fail miserably I’ll probably end up eating roadkill and old shoes, ha ha! FUN.

Seriously though, we won’t fail. It’s going to be awesome. We’re going to be rolling in the dough. HA HA, GET IT???

Ahem. Lastly…

Among many other things

Among many other things

I’ve jumped into the let’s play bandwagon and put up a bunch of videos of me blathering while I play games. It’s all part of my master plan to be a huge internet celebrity, you see.

Here’s the youtube channel, unilateralUlulations. That’s a Homestuck reference!

Actually, seriously, honestly—on top of it being all sorts of fun I feel it’s helping me out a lot with my diction and eloquence. I can run circles around a chat window but I’m not so great at the spoken word, so I’ve set out to remedy that to the best of my ability. It also helps fight stage-fright a great deal, as well as possibly grow a thick skin through scathing youtube commenters.

I’ve been a videogame nerd since I was three (this is not an exaggeration!) so it’s commentary on something I’ve loved all my life. I know the material, is what I’m saying.

Updates go up as I manage to sneak in play time, which work isn’t cooperating with greatly right now. But hey, I beat frikkin’ Teleglitch: Die More Edition already. Do you have any idea how hard that game is? It’s I Wanna Be The Guy hard. Dark Souls hard. I’ve accomplished something and deserve recognition, dammit!

Anyway.

Fry ‘em and eat ‘em,

– Israel

You Might Have Thought I Was Kidding….

I did say I would do it, and I ain’t the flaky type.

Behold the $2 frame

Behold the $2 frame in all its glory.

I wonder if a lot of budding authors do this. It feels important to cherish the new-ness of these experiences: I’ll never get my first rejection again, or write my first query again. Five years from now I’ll look at that frame and shake my head at my foolishness, and it will be good. This is a fantastic journey full of delightful frustration and disappointment!

On the other hand, that one time when I got punched in the face was a first-time experience I could do without. While we’re on that subject, I’d like to let the world know that I don’t need any more punches in the face, please. My experience quota is filled in that particular regard, as it is for faceplanting down cliffs, or getting lost in the woods, or being attacked by dogs, or falling in the wonderful clutches of explosive diarrhea. No more of any of those, if you’d be so kind.

Also,

Professional finish

Professional finish

Thumbtacks and string: the best picture-hanging method, or the absolute best picture-hanging method?

I’m the most skilled handyman in the planet.