You feel something tapping at your big toe. You look down to see a bearded dragon wearing a tiny fireman’s hat, bopping your foot with the shaft of his axe. The lizard’s head is tilted to the side, one eye squarely on you.

“Hey,” the lizard says. “What do you want to know?”

Q. Will there be sequels for ETERNAL?

A. There used to be plans for a trilogy, but I converted those into a fully standalone novel with the 10th anniversary edition. I consider it done and fully realized… unless it suddenly becomes super popular, in which case I’ll milk that cashcow with a 10-book series.

Q. Will there be sequels for The Last of the Wicked?

A. Yes! Eventually there will be a sequel novel. The title will be “Jane Witchbane”. It will be a very good novel. The only reason it might not happen is that I might die first.

Q. Will there be sequels for the Lana Terrigan Memoires?

A. There better be, my wife will kill me otherwise. If only I wasn’t constantly distracted with other shiny projects…

Q. Are you doing any more Spelunky 101 videos?

A. I’ve milked that dromedary for all it is worth. I really don’t have any other topics to cover. The only one I’ve considered is more Advanced Tactics, because I’ve learned quite a few new tricks since then, but there just isn’t enough to make it into a proper video, I might have a whole 2 minutes of material to cover.

Q. Are you doing any more Spelunky 201 videos?

A. I was planning to do so many. Then shopkeepers turned out to be kind of irrelevant, and it was sort of… I don’t know, the whole idea deflated in my mind. I did the big Cosmic Ocean guide and I simply couldn’t find anything new to talk about that wasn’t already done to death in 100 other videos. Maybe, one day, I’ll get around to editing that Shopkeepers script into a video…

Q. I want to give you money, how can I give you money?

A. Nobody is actually asking this, stop pretending in order to e-beg.

Q. What’s the best way to contact you?

A. By email: eipbarbuzano -squiggly- gmail -dot- com . I check it daily and respond pretty fast. I do get quite a few “check out my indie game” requests these days so don’t feel bad if I don’t respond to those, it gets super depressing to say “I really don’t think this game is for me” or “Oof, your game needs more time in the oven” over and over.

You can also post on the youtube comments, I still read them all.

Q. So you’re not on Twitter?

A. No.

I don’t think anyone should be on twitter.

Here is what I think about twitter.

Q. Can I add you on Steam?

A. Sure! I accept every single friend request because I’m nice that way, but I’m also a proper basement virgin full of social phobias. I’m always set to offline and never have conversations with anyone. And please don’t send me game gifts, I truly appreciate the thought but I already have more games I could possibly play in my lifetime!

This is a legitimate “Frequently Asked Questions” and I can’t remember anything else that gets asked all that often. SHOW’S OVER KID.